


Bloodbath

by IJM



Category: General Hospital
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:41:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24313705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IJM/pseuds/IJM
Summary: SATIREHow to Fix General Hospital
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Bloodbath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Disgruntled General Hospital Fans](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Disgruntled+General+Hospital+Fans).



> For entertainment purposes only.  
> No claim of ownership of characters.  
> Not for profit.

Willow Tait Quartermaine Corinthos greeted her new husband as he entered the family kitchen—the Corinthos family kitchen. Only the staff were allowed in the Quartermaine kitchen. She did the best she could to make Michael’s lunch, working within the confines of a kitchen with no stove. 

“Hello, dear,” Michael said flatly. He was wearing the black pants and white shirt and black tie he had worn to the office that morning. “I see you made me a sandwich. What is it?” He took a seat at the island where quick meals were often shared. 

“Its white bread with mayonnaise,” Willow answered. “Your favorite.” Her tone was robotic. She wore a blue gingham dress and had her dark hair pulled back in a ponytail.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” Michael said, sitting down to partake of his sandwich. “Join me, darling.”

Willow sat next to her husband with her own mayonnaise sandwich. It was unfortunate that Dev had been the last person to go into the grocery store. Used to living on the streets of Turkey, Dev was more frugal than his fraudulent relatives. He bought the cheapest mayonnaise on the shelf. To this end, the sandwiches were very dry. 

Michael coughed, “Could you get me a glass of water, please?”

“Of course, my love,” Willow answered. As she had her back turned to her husband, she heard him fall into a coughing fit. Willow spun around, spilling the glass of water in her hand. As she took a step toward Michael to administer the Heimlich maneuver, her white pump slid on the water and Willow fell backwards, hitting her skull on the corner of a countertop. The pointed edge hit the base of her neck, killing her instantly. 

Michael, coughing, stood and tried to get to his fallen wife. However, as he gripped his neck to try to indicate to someone, anyone, anything that he was choking, his visual signal for help was unnoticed. Without oxygen, Michael fell unconscious onto his wife’s limp body. Soon, he too had expired. 

Sonny Corinthos, the patriarch of the haughty family, had the displeasure of finding his stolen (adopted, depends on if you’re AJ or Carly) son’s body on top of his young wife’s corpse. 

He had just left Turning Woods where his father, Mike Corbin, had shuffled off this mortal coil, freeing himself of the living hell known as Alzheimer’s. Of course, Mike’s freedom from the horrid disease did not mitigate Sonny’s sorrow. He was a man maddened with rage when he saw his (stolen) son lying dead on the floor. He looked for answers and saw the culprit. The cheap mayonnaise was still sitting on the countertop next to the loaf of bread. 

“Dev! Carly!” Sonny yelled, beckoning them to his presence. They both ran to the kitchen, stunned to find Sonny standing over two dead bodies. 

Sonny always packed some heat even though he usually paid someone else to do his killing for him. He pointed his 357 right at Dev. “You bought the cheap mayonnaise. Don’t deny it. You’re the only plebeian in this home with the poorly refined taste to buy that stuff. Admit it!”

“I bought the mayonnaise,” Dev said slowly, his hands raised in a gesture of surrender.  
“You cost me my son!” Sonny screamed. He pulled the trigger, but his aim was poor. He shot his wife Carly in the head. But it wasn’t the first time. She’d get over it. Only… she wouldn’t. 

Dev took the opportunity to run from the kitchen into the living room. He was hoping to make it to the door to escape onto the patio and then flee the premises. The door was locked, but the bar was fully stocked. As Sonny approached, Dev threw a lead crystal goblet toward the crazed man. It hit him squarely between his eyes and he dropped to the floor with a thud. Sonny Corinthos… a man who had taken out much barware met his ironic fate that day. 

Sonny had squeezed the trigger at the same time Dev threw the goblet. Sonny proved himself to have better aim while dying than living. The bullet blasted into Dev’s chest, just above his heart. He clutched his fist to his chest. As his life came to its end, all Dev could think of was a song. “Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame…. Never buy the generic mayonnaise.”


End file.
